One of the most frustrating aspects of trying to conceive, carrying a pregnancy, giving birth and recovering is being told what is “expected,” “normal,” or “par for the course.” Even if we are reassured that what we’re facing or feeling along the way is “typical” for the general population, it might be atypical for us as individuals. We are told we’re not alone and yet it can feel so lonely at times within a deeply personal transformation that may temporarily throw off our sense of what it means to be healthy, fit and well.
Recently, I was in the midst of a method of TTC that forced me to slow my roll to a frustrating halt and limited my physically active workload. That’s when the trouble began. A daily dose of vigorous exercise is my prescription for sustaining excellent mental, emotional and physical health. Sure, I’ve added a few other holistic remedies to the proverbial medicine cabinet over the years. But nothing comes close to being as effective and efficient as the combination of strength training and cardio. Although I exercise daily for at least 60 minutes, I can usually get my “fix” in 20-30 minutes. So, when I was instructed by my medical team to “dial it way down” for an extended period of time – avoiding exercise at times – I immediately felt resentful and resistant. I said to myself, “How dare they and this process interfere with my hard-earned wellness?” I also felt deep-rooted fear and shame that sounds something like this: “I don’t have a right to be here without physically working hard enough to prove my worth.” And, finally, there was the voice of my inner child who learned early on that hard work is virtuous and that life is too short to indulge in giving in to short-term discomfort. She warned me, “You’re gonna get in trouble being a lazy good-for-nothing.” I mean, seriously… It was a raging pity party!
What I haven’t mentioned yet is that I was swollen and in pain. I’m not ready to disclose all the causes but suffice to say hormonal flares as well as an unfortunately-timed strained abdominal muscle were two culprits. Despite those aforementioned squawking voices that were resisting and afraid of shutting down, my body’s wisdom was speaking a clear and undeniable truth – that I needed to kick my feet up, Netflix and chill. And, so, I did. By the end of the day, though, the grogginess that comes from shutting down created the perfect conditions for all that familiar fear-, guilt- and shame-based gunk to grow. I was hoping for and relying on a reduction in symptoms and an increase in motivation overnight so that I could be free to move on. Side note: magical thinking is another form of giving up our autonomy and power, in my personal experience. Well, the next day came and I didn’t feel much better – physically, mentally or emotionally. Enough was enough. I needed to rip the band-aid off the discomfort, sweat out the pity party and lift myself out of the doldrums. I willed my body to reset through a cathartic workout. If I wasn’t allowed to run or lift heavy weighgts, I’d power walk for an hour. Believe me when I say, no amount of Lizzo was loud enough to drown out my body’s voice. There was no power walking to be mustered. I straight up strolled for an hour and I was still uncomfortable, inside and out, by the end. My body felt heavy with defeat. I allowed it to serve as evidence of my limit and lack. I gave it the power to prove that I’m not well; I’m wrong. My pity party went downhill to the shame game.
I look back on what I did next as pivotal to the process of reclaiming my personal power. I picked up the phone and called my best friend for a heart-to-heart about how much I was struggling. I learned, once again, that there is real strength, courage and wisdom to be found deep in the heart of vulnerability. Through an empathetic exchange, I started to loosen my grip on resentment, frustration and fear. The conversation opened my mind’s eye to some of the ways I was getting stuck in the muck of limiting beliefs as well as the blind spots that kept me from ways I could help myself feel better. And it helped lift the burden of shame with a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor about the whole situation. I decided it was time to doctor myself with a BodyWiseMama recovery plan. Here’s a peek:
- Ample and proper rest (including bolstered/supported sleep positions)
- Stock up on and prepare “Feel Good Foods”:
- Veggies* (leafy greens, bell peppers, broccoli, cauliflower rice, etc.)
- Avocado
- Chicken*
- Salmon
- Eggs*
- Nuts, seeds & dried fruit*
- Fermented foods (Sauerkraut, Cashew milk yogurt/kefir, Kombucha)
- No grains or dairy (they tend to be inflammatory for me)
*Organic
- Daily low-impact/moderate-intensity strength training:
- Emphasis on upper body with moderate weights
- Eccentric/isometric lower body movements with light-to-moderate weights
- Minimal core work, limited to diaphragmatic breathing and neutral spine position
- Spiritual Practices:
- Sat Nam is a tried and true mantra for me when I’m in a tizzy of attachment and frustration. I’ll often
combine it with a walk or run, which I find enhances its grounding, calming, meditative effects. - I realize this sounds incredibly “woo woo” but I invoke my mom’s energy/spirit/presence for guidance; she was a phenomenal earthly force of strength and resilience who endured a lot of pain in her lifetime. When I call on her, I feel the difference in how I move through trying times.
- Sat Nam is a tried and true mantra for me when I’m in a tizzy of attachment and frustration. I’ll often
- Quality time by myself in the privacy and comfort of home:
- Listening to motivational podcasts or music (I’ve been vibing high with Goal Magic & Sampa the Great)
- Cooking (just add music, dancing and a Kombucha mocktail for your own private party!)
- Brainstorming biz ideas
- Physical and emotional connection with my husband
- Acupuncture
- Therapy
The most empowering thing I did for myself over the next four days, though, was to simply mind my body and take responsibility for feeling good with every choice. At the time of writing this, I’m on day 5 of my personal recovery plan, and it’s the first day in weeks that I feel more like myself. I went for a 25-minute jog followed by some strength training first thing in the morning. I felt liberated! It was a revelation and a relief. I knew I had taken the right dose of my own medicine because I felt energized, strong and, simply put, good.
Pursuing this path and going through this particular process of transformation is my choice. I am not a victim. But I am human. I’m here to struggle, learn, grow, shine and serve others on the path of motherhood. I hope something I’ve shared resonates with, validates and empowers you. It is my hope that the BodyWiseMama community holds space for conversation around reclaiming women’s autonomy and personal power at every stage of pregnancy.
I speak directly from my experiences as well as vicariously through my students’ and members’ experiences. Please share yours by commenting below or follow the conversation on Instagram and Facebook. I’ve offered some focus questions below to spark the convo:
In what ways have you felt at odds or aligned with “minding your body” as it assimilates all the necessary changes that come with TTC and pregnancy? How have you adapted to those changes?
What routines and practices have helped you protect and bolster your sense of well-being on the path of motherhood?
Did/do you feel in any way disconnected from your power or autonomy throughout pregnancy and new motherhood? Where and how would you like to start reclaiming them?
Some big questions, right? Would you like to chat privately about them? Schedule a free 30-minute consultation call any time.